I Opened A Private Practice!

These past three months have been somewhat of a whirlwind. After months of reflection and planning, I finally went through with it... I opened a private practice! I am so excited to share this with you because I didn't come to this decision easily. In fact, I second-guessed and challenged myself all along the way. I never do anything that I don't plan on seeing through and I knew opening a business was not something I could decide quickly. So with careful consideration, lots of podcasts and blog reading, and encouragement from family and friends, I made the leap. 

I opened Simply Being Wellness Counseling! The practice is part-time as I still work a full-time job. I am offering services to women and those in helping (and service) professions. I see the benefit of providing a safe space to people who so generously dedicate their lives to helping others. I am super excited about this next step in my professional journey and I am open to what I will learn. I can only hope to be a good steward to those who choose to allow me into their inner world. 

I took a bit of a blogging break to focus my attention on starting the practice and have committed to improving my schedule so I can continue to stay up to date with Simply Being Kryssie blog. You can expect blog posts every 1st and 3rd Wednesday and I will continue to regularly update Instagram. I will be sure to update you on this journey. 

If you are in private practice or are thinking of branching out, leave me a comment, email, or DM me on IG. 

Healing my Body: Fibroids, Endometriosis, and Leaky Gut

This part two of my post on how I healed my body from fibroids, endometriosis, and leaky gut. Part one focused on my experience before and after surgery. I continued to experience symptoms of mood changes, vaginal infections, stomach pain and discomfort despite having completed surgery and regularly taking birth control. I remember asking my gynecologist (who is great but focuses on traditional medicine for healing) if she had any suggestions for diet changes that might alleviate my symptoms and was pretty much met with a blank stare. I was tired of seeing her every other month and was hypervigilant about getting another infection. Then I heard a podcast episode on Black Girl in Om in which they featured a doctor who combined traditional medical care with holistic healthcare. In the episode, she discussed the healing qualities of many foods, leaky gut, and how what we eat can either add toxicity to the body or heal. I began my search for a holistic doctor. I knew I wanted a female and I knew she had to be a woman of color. 

I did a simple google search and decided to reach out to Dr. Jessica Wei. She is a board certified gynecologist who no longer practices traditional medicine but seeks to help women heal their reproductive area holistically. I knew from the initial conversation that I wanted to work with her. Only thing was she was out-of-network (most holistic doctors are so if you have insurance, be prepared to pay out of pocket for the cost) and I debated about paying her fee. I shared my concerns, at which point she reminded me this was an investment into my health. I needed to know my "Why" and to let her know if I wanted to move forward. So I prayed on it and followed through with the appointment. After the initial appointment, she put me on a 21-day elimination diet to see what foods were causing inflammation and other issues in my gut. I also completed a stool test and had an extensive blood work panel. My nutritionist, Holly, guided me on what foods I could eat and recipes to help with the transition. They kept reminding me to remember my "why" so any time I had doubt or wanted to eat something off plan, I remembered this was my decision and I was determined to find out if there were any underlying issues contributing to my reproductive distress. 

For those 21 days, my diet consisted of gut-healing foods. I removed all food that could potentially cause discomfort and inflammation: no dairy, coffee, alcohol, chocolate, sugar, processed foods, corn, yeast, soy, citrus fruits, or gluten. That left me with vegetables, fruits, water (my favorite drink), fermented foods, brown rice, quinoa, potatoes, and nuts. My meals were very simple and I relied on food preparation to keep me on track.

Here are pictures of some meals I had at the time:

One month later at my follow-up appointment, I learned my gut was filled with inflammation, parasites, and harmful bacteria. I wasn't absorbing fat properly and I had an overflow of candida (which can cause infection in the digestive area or in the vagina). Dr. Wei suspected my "leaky gut" issue was directly correlated to my reproductive issues. In essence, instead of manifesting into digestive issues, I was experiencing reproductive pain. I had an aha moment. I felt validated. I felt release and free. I cried at that appointment, too. lol. By finally knowing what was wrong, I felt empowered to begin my physical healing. I was advised to eliminate all gluten from my diet as I the stool test showed anti-gliadin was present which indicated a non-celiac allergy to gluten. As far as diet change, I continued to eliminate gluten and consume soft cheeses like feta or goat. I was prescribed about ten different supplements to aggressively target the parasites, candida, and inflammation in my gut which promoting balance. The rest of the healing plan was around stress management, relaxation, and improving my spiritual alignment. All of these things are connected, in order to heal the body, I had to work on my mind and spiritual well-being. 

I won't say these last six months have been easy. There were times I wanted to cry because I couldn't indulge in my Aunt's pound cake or my Mom's mac and cheese. I had to remind myself that the dietary changes were to nourish me and I found other ways to make adjustments to indulge in my favorite foods. While my diet is not as restrictive these days, I continue to maintain a gluten-free and mostly dairy-free lifestyle. At my follow-up appointment last month, I learned my gut was mostly healed: there no trace of candida, fat was being absorbed, and the inflammatory stress my gut was experiencing from gluten was very minimal.

This journey has taught me something, food is healing. I truly don't believe there was any other way I could have healed my gut without making dietary changes and taking the appropriate supplements. I hope I have inspired you to be more mindful of how you fuel your body and the impact certain foods has on how you feel physically and mentally.

For more information about Dr. Jessica Wei, check her website jessicaweimd.com where she has helpful information on how to heal your gut. Follow my journey on Instagram and Facebook.

I Was Diagnosed With Fibroids and Endometriosis

If you follow me on Instagram, then you know in December 2017 I did a 21 day elimination diet. I was advised to do this diet by my doctor and nutritionist because of ongoing symptoms related to my reproductive system. This will be a two part post: my experience before and after surgery and how I learned of my leaky gut and took an holistic approach to healing.

In 2015, I was diagnosed with uterine fibroids. I had two very painful menstrual cycles and went to my gynecologist to get an understanding of what could be the issue. I had a transvaginal ultrasound which showed a large fibroid. The next steps in the process were over the course of one year. I was referred to a specialist who recommended surgery and that I lose weight. I waited another three months for the surgery. In the meantime, I ate more plant based for one month and lost ten pounds prior to the surgery. My recovery time was about two weeks and I was back to work (which was too soon but I didn't want to use all my sick time). At the follow-up I was told I also had endometriosis (when the uterine lining sheds out of the uterus onto other organs) and this may have also contributed to my pain. I was hopeful I would get some relief and this would the journey to healing.

What I didn't know was the emotional toll this experience would have on me. I intellectualized the whole process from start to finish. I read up on the procedure (myomectomy, read more about it here), I asked as many questions of my Doctor as I could, I watched youtube videos, I read blogs, all of this was my way of coping with the fact that I was having surgery on my uterus. I was scared y'all. I cried almost every time I went to an appointment. I was scared because I want to have children and every woman in my family who had history of fibroids eventually had to get a hysterectomy. I was scared because I didn't want others to know the pain I was enduring daily and I just wanted to feel better. But I refused to cast a shadow of doubt on my healing and decided to go through with traditional medical advisement. 

Endometriosis can be difficult to treat and most likely isn't diagnosed without exploratory surgery. Many women have the symptoms which are often attributed to some other reproductive issue or they are misdiagnosed. I can't recall how aggressive my endometriosis was but it was recommended I start taking birth control to minimize the possibility of reoccurrence after it was removed in surgery. Several celebrities have been outspoken about their experiences with fibroids and endometriosis helping to bring light to an often minimized ailment effecting "200 million women worldwide" according to Endometriosis Foundation of America. From what I have been told and have researched, there is no known cause and no known cure at this time. Despite this, I chose to be optimistic. I had to focus on healing. 

After surgery, the body can take up to a year to heal and feel normal again. Nobody told me about the mood swings, lethargy, and change in my cycle that occurred. Ugh. But I was determined to take care of my body. After almost two years, I continued to feel discomfort, suffered through continuous vaginal infections, bloating, and mood changes. I was searching for a way to be completely healed because traditional medicine did not heal me 100%. In Bali, my now friend Lauren said to me, "Something is causing your chakra to be off. I believe that's how this is manifesting." I thank her for that epiphany. This situation was teaching me something, there was something in my habits, in my lineage, in my being that was contributing to the ailment I endured in my reproductive area for two years. She suggested I start looking into herbs and essential oils and a possible diet change. I started cutting back on dairy (which is known to cause inflammation), made it my job to eat more plants, and practiced yoga and meditation visualizing the healing of my body. I knew I had the ability to heal my body by making different choices and figuring out how to treat it well. 

In part two, I will share my journey to working with a holistic gynecologist, nutritionist, and how I am feeling today. 

How To Support A Loved One Who Is Going Through A Difficult Time

One of my jobs is in a hospital emergency room where I have the role of assessing and supporting a patient who may be deemed in crisis. This position is unique because more often than not, the role of the patient's family member(s) or loved ones is significantly considered for assessment and discharge planning. I find myself answering questions and providing support for the loved ones as well as the patient. Why? Despite the advancements in the mental health field, there is still limited education and resources available to the average person. Most people still consider mental health issues to be only for "crazy" people. Recently, on social media and in the news, I have noticed a change. I give credit to those who share their personal stories and experience with therapy/treatment for breaking the misconceptions about mental illness.

Yet, the people I interact with regularly (on the clock and off) have limited understanding of how to help someone they love who may be experiencing a mental health issue or going through a difficult time. As the loved one, you may have experienced the following:

• Believe you did something wrong or you can fix the other person
• Are more involved in their care than they are
• Feel helpless or overwhelmed
• Take responsibility for your loved one's recovery
• Internalize their progress (or lack of progress) as your fault
• Distance yourself from them

If you have felt any of these, that is okay. I am here to tell you this is totally normal. There is no absolute right way to be supportive of someone who is going through something. However, I do have some tips to empower you to take care of yourself as you love your loved one.

1. Allow them to go through the process
2. Have appropriate boundaries
3. Seek help for yourself if you begin to feel overwhelmed
4. Show empathy
5. Get educated on mental health issues

One of the first things we are inclined to do is to fix the situation. I don't know about you but I used to be this way. I would give money, time, and resources to finding a way to help those I cared about. But when I took a step back and assessed, more often than not, I was doing all the work. I am not talking about the instances where your family member has insight and wants to make some changes. I am talking about the stage when they may be in denial or feel hopeless. Watching someone endure this stage is not pretty. I will say one thing...

They have to go through the process.

There is no other way than to go through. Unless they are incapable of making sound decisions, then I advise the loved one to assess how they can be supportive without walking through the process for their loved one.

Be empathetic, not an enabler.

Which means the loved one must check their boundaries. You can call the hospital 10 times a day, you can get their prescriptions filled, you can make their meals, and you can help care for the children. But you can not make them better. They have to take steps to get better and seek healing. They have to desire to participate in treatment and believe they can get better. 

Engage in your own healing.

Supporting someone who is going through a difficult time or who has a mental illness can be taxing. I encourage you to check in with yourself and seek your own healing. Develop a self-care routine, take time to use your supports, talk to a therapist, get in a support group for caregivers, educate yourself about mental illness. You do not have to go through this alone. Remember, you are deserving of the love and support you so freely give. 

Rights of A Survivor

There has been so much talk about sexual harassment and sexual assault in the media over the past few months. What has stuck out to me is how the focus has been on the accused and invalidating the accusers and how droves of women have to accuse a man before there is even a sliver of validation to their experiences. This is a ridiculous narrative that has gone on for far too long and invalidates the vulnerability a survivor displays by sharing their story.

The “Me, Too” movement has shown just how normal it is for a woman to experience some form of harassment in her life and how male dominance has played an important role. Society has repeatedly perpetuated the false narrative that a woman’s value is tied to how a man views her. Women are told these messages from the time they are born and on into adulthood. These messages are heard and modeled often enough during a woman’s childhood years that they become so easily embedded in how a woman sees herself as she ages and matures.

These messages are why women have been silent. These messages are why women are not believed. These messages are why men have been nurtured to believe male dominance and privilege is okay.

While this movement has brought to light the centuries old issue of male privilege and its impact on women, “Me, Too” and how it is played out by the media, has also been triggering for many survivors. A CNN article explains, "There's normalization and validation in this movement, as it takes away the shame, secrecy and stigma that is so common in situations of abuse," said therapist Joyce Marter, founder of Urban Balance, a multi-site counseling center in Chicago. However, not all survivors feel empowered to be apart of the movement. They may choose to be silent or to share anonymously as sharing can open them up to judgment. Seeing other’s stories may remind survivors of their own experience. These memories can lead to an increase in trauma-related symptoms including nightmares, hypervigilance, flashbacks, mood changes, upset stomach, or headache.

I am here to tell you, you have rights.

You have a right to be believed.

You have a right to choose when and who to share your story with.

You have a right to take care of yourself.

You have a right to let go of guilt and shame.

You have a right to your body and life.

If you or some you know has experienced sexual assault or trauma and need support, RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) organization has a hotline 800.656.HOPE (4673)

Mental Health Awareness Month

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. This month is dedicated to highlighting mental health including education, support, and recovery. Started in 1949 by Mental Health America, each year is dedicated to a theme and encourages organizations to have activities and education based on that theme. Its purpose is to raise awareness and educate the public about: mental illnesses, the realities of living with these conditions; and strategies for attaining mental health and wellness. It also aims to draw attention to suicide, which can be precipitated by some mental illnesses. Additionally, Mental Health Awareness Month strives to reduce the stigma (negative attitudes and misconceptions) that surrounds mental illnesses. The month came about by presidential proclamation. This year's theme is Fitness #4Mind4Body. NAMI's theme is "Cure the Stigma".

 I am glad there are more conversations about mental health, mental illness, and mental wellness. It is time we normalize taking care of our emotional health. As a licensed therapist, I spend a lot of time helping my clients to understand their emotional health and identify what they need to do, be, or think to sustain their mental wellness. It has been long time to wipe away the stigma of mental illness.

This month, you'll see posts dedicated to mental health awareness. Here's a throwback to last year's post about mental health and suicide prevention. Click here 

Therapists Need Therapy, Too! My Therapy Experience

I have been a therapist for almost ten years. In those ten years, I have has the privilege of assisting my clients in their healing and growing processes. I have sat across from them, next to them, held their hand, and given hugs. I have been in the process with them and supported them on the journey. Sometimes I had some feelings of inadequacy as their guide because I lacked some experiences which I felt would help me to have a better understanding of certain situations. What I didn't know at the time, I was able to learn. At this point in my career, I realize I am a better therapist because of the experiences I have had and the self-work I have done. 

I have read many self-help books, participated in group chats, attended conferences and retreats. And while all of this things were pivotal to my healing journey, there was one experience I had been putting off. 

This year, I decided it was time I went to therapy. 

They call us the wounded helpers. As therapists, we can be exposed to some pretty traumatic experiences through the lens of those we serve. These experiences may trigger our own issues and if not dealt with, can lead to a downward spiral. I had been thinking about therapy for a couple of years but had some reservations. It's not that I didn't believe I would benefit from it. I knew it would be helpful. I just wasn't so sure of a few things:

1. Why get a therapist when I do this everyday? I believed they would tell me things I already knew

2. Several of my friends are therapists. I  figured I could speak to them and save some money. I remember sharing this thought with my friend who quickly reminded me that loved ones cannot be therapists for the people they love. The whole ethical obligation and objectivity part. Ugh!

3. I wasn't sure I was ready to open myself up in that way. I didn't have an issue with speaking to a stranger but I was concerned about whether I would find a therapist who I would gel with. I wanted to be sure I felt safe to expose my inner thoughts and confident I would be supported, even through resistance. Building a relationship is an important factor in therapy and I knew I needed someone who would be able to call me on my ish and still allow me some grace.

I decided to take the leap and make some phone calls. I started seeing my therapist a couple months ago and things have been good so far. The first session was about building rapport and I spent the whole 50 minutes crying (damn hormones). When I left, I felt depleted. I needed the release. I needed to cry and not be or feel judged. I was afforded that. You see, therapy is a form of self-care. My spirit had guided me on the journey of healing for a couple years now and going to therapy was the next step. We all have aspects about ourselves that we could work on or improve. I have some patterns I would like to change and some beliefs I need to make amends with. I also knew being on the other side of the room (as a client and not as the therapist) would help me to gain a more empathetic understanding of what my clients go through when they meet with me. 

The therapeutic experience can be scary but also liberating. I feel like a caterpillar in the cocoon phase, just waiting to become a butterfly. I know therapy will support me on my journey and I plan to continue therapy for as long as I need to. 

---

If you are a therapist, in the helping profession (EMT, physician, nurse, teacher, counselor, aid, etc) or a human being, I encourage you to give therapy a try. 

Here's how you can find a therapist:

Google Search your area

Psychology Today

Therapy for Black Girls

Talk Space

Your Insurance Carrier

Good Therapy

It's My One Year Blog Anniversary!

I am so excited to say today is my one year blog anniversary!!! 

I must say this year has taught me so much. There were things I never thought to do that I did. Over the past year, I have learned to stare fear in the face and confront my mental blocks. I have trekked in Bali. I explored domestically with family and friends. I started going to therapy. I attended several conferences and retreats. I made some new friends. I became comfortable in front of the camera. I learned to take, edit, and create my photos. I created content. I networked. Heck, I even slashed some debt and got a little savings going. 

Most of all, I stepped into the belief that I can! So I wanted to say thank you for sharing this journey with me. I am inspired by the conversations we have had and I am encouraged by the beautiful words people have spoken to me over the past year. I have learned this is a process and I don't have to have it all figured out right now. As I come to know myself better, I can adjust and give myself the opportunity to get better. 

Year one may be complete but I ain't finished yet. lol. 

Three Simple Tips for the Meditation Newbie

If you've been following my IG stories, you may have noticed recent posts around my current meditation practice. I teach meditation and mindfulness to my clients. Initially they are hesitant to engage and wonder if I am trying to trick them. Lol. I admit, I had my doubts about meditation, too, but I tried it anyway. While I am new to meditation, I am not new to mindfulness training as I have used this to help clients with an array of psychiatric diagnoses and issues. I am determined to practice what I preach and have committed to a regular meditation regimen. If you’re a rookie at meditating and want to start a regimen, here are some simple tools.

1. Schedule a time of day for meditation and be consistent. I’ve found I’m more likely to be committed to meditate in the beginning of the day when the world is quiet and I’m not yet as distracted. Sometimes I skip it in the morning and on those days, I take some time in the evening.

2. You don’t have to do it for a long time. I heard a quote on a podcast (Super Soul Sunday with Don Miguel Ruiz) a few weeks ago that said, “To meditate is simply to create space between each thought and to widen that space as time goes on.” I immediately had an aha moment. Meditation is an awareness of your thoughts without placing judgement or allowing one thought to spark another and another. This is simply to take some time to allow your mind some time not to think as much. Any time I get thrown off, I return to focusing on my breathing. What worked for me was starting with 3-10 minute time blocks.

3. Use an app or Youtube. There are so many free meditation tools available online and on your phone. These tools help me get into a meditative mindset much more quickly than just sitting in the quiet. I find I need a little noise or quiet background sounds to help me get quiet. You can do a simple youtube search or try one of these apps:

Calm

 Headspace

 Stop, Breathe, Think

Insight Timer

Remember, there is no perfect way to meditate. You can’t do it wrong. To meditate is to simply allow yourself some time to be. It is intentionally taking time for self-care.

Burnout and Three Ways To Address It

I will admit, my schedule is packed. I have pretty much every minute of the day planned from the time I wake up until I go to bed at night. Around mid-February I was beginning to notice that I dreaded going into work and I easily became overwhelmed with tasks. I was feeling tired despite having 7-9 hours of sleep per night and I began to wake up frequently during the night. I started to think I needed to have a vacation, though I had just come back from a few days in Mexico. Finally, I had to face it. I was in the initial stages of burn out. So I took a few sick days to tend to my mental health, committed to no phone or emails before 12pm, and I began to reflect on what I was experiencing. 

Burn out can happen to the best of us. Parents, teachers, doctors, machinists, bankers, ANYONE!

Burnout is a state of chronic stress that leads to:

• physical and emotional exhaustion
• cynicism and detachment
• feelings of ineffectiveness and lack of accomplishment

Typically reserved for those high-achievers who do not give themselves credit for what they have accomplished and who often feel there is "more work" to do. Burnout can leave a person feeling depleted, exhausted, inadequate, anxious, and overwhelmed. There are varying degrees of burnout and the longer it goes unaddressed, the more severe the symptoms may become. I began to recognize I was feeling burned out because of my thoughts. As a therapist, I spend much of my time pouring into people professionally and personally, sometimes forgetting I need to replenish what I put out. Having difficulty sleeping is a huge sign for me. On a good day, I sleep throughout the night and naturally wake up at 7am. For several weeks, I was waking up at 3am with racing thoughts focused on what I needed to complete. I knew there was an issue when I spent more time trying to figure out how to complete tasks and beating myself up when I wasn't able to cross things off my list. It took my therapist, sister, and several friends to talk me into taking a few days off. I took their advice to press reset and do some self-care.

Addressing burnout is simple: improve your self-care and work on reducing stress.

Here are three steps:

Improve boundaries

It's super easy to say yes to everything but when in burnout, saying yes creates more tasks to accomplish. "No" is a complete sentence and should be exercised. Don't take on any new projects or meetings when recovering from burnout. Put the phone on silent, schedule limited time for email and social media. Take a good look at your boundaries and see where you can make adjustments. Are you working long hours unnecessarily? Can you adjust your schedule and add in some quiet time? Take inventory of who you're spending (or not spending) time with and surround yourself with positive people who can support you in your time of need.

Take care of your body

Have you ever heard of HALT? Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. When we are feeling any of these, it is our body's way of signaling us that we need to take care of something. At minimum, make sure you are getting adequate nourishment, rest, drinking enough water, and checking on your emotional health. 

Find balance

One of the reasons burnout is allowed to thrive is because we are not honoring how we feel and give ourselves some grace. I like to say we can find balance by getting back to the basics. What is proven to help you relax and is your go-to self-soothing technique? Use that. Take inventory of your thoughts and the areas of your life where you feel frustrated or overwhelmed and then identify one way you can adjust the situation to feel less stressed. Focus on being consistent with adding positive change to your life. 

Other ways to find balance: meditate, use relaxation techniques, pray, journal, exercise. Find ways to reinforce the positive changes you are making by giving yourself a pep talk and accepting support. 

The best way to deal with burnout is to recognize the every day stressors we may not be adequately addressing. While I did feel better with some time away from work, I knew to have lasting change, I would have to be intentional about my self-care and be mindful of when I am feeling overwhelmed. 

Subscribe to my blog for your free Self-Care Worksheet and follow me on Instagram or Facebook for tips on how to manage stress and improve self-care. Til next time..

The Importance of the Film, "Black Panther". For the Culture and the Community.

Black Panther is here! Unless you've been living under a rock or don't have access to any electronic device or newspaper, then you know I am talking about the new Marvel Comic film which debuted this weekend to record breaking numbers. I have watched virtually all of the Marvel comic films and when I learned about Black Panther, I was hype. My comic book loving brother, Teddy, schooled me on the character, T'Challa, who inherited the throne to a fictional African kingdom, Wakanda. The character was created in the 60's when Black people were enthralled in the cause of civil rights and breaking down barriers due to the color of their skin. With the current state of this country in mind, this movie has been declared a movement. Black Panther reminds us that Black pride is not something to be ashamed of but to be celebrated. Social media is filled with people taking pictures in African attire, all Black, dancing, and posing in reverence of their experience with this film. It even has it's own hashtag with people sharing how the film resonates with them, #whatblackpanthermeanstome and #wakandaforever

A CNN article states, "a film that explores what it means to be black, centered on a black superhero, featuring a mostly-black cast, and helmed by a black director is on pace to be one of Marvel's biggest blockbusters." 

I went to see this film alone (because my schedule didn't sync up with other people and I preferred not to wait to see the film. I'm sure I'll see it in theaters more than once), I put my favorite printed head wrap on, dressed in all black, and walked into the theater with my snacks (don't judge me) waiting for my mind to be blown. Best of all, the film was released in the middle of Black History Month! This is not a review but more of my reflection on themes I noticed in the film. I won't be giving away any spoilers but I do want to talk about a few things I noticed in the film and why this film is important to the USA and the world.

The women have an important role in the safety and structure of Wakanda

The ladies of Wakanda are amazing! Though the tribes are ruled by a King, many of the women have important roles. First, they have an all female military. In a country where it wasn't too long ago that women were not allowed to vote or be in the military, this is important for little girls to see. Second, Shuri (princess and sister to T'Challa) runs the technology lab. Her skills in math and science are what make the Black Panther suit be indestructible and have the train running by use of kinetic energy. She has no super power other than her intelligence and self-confidence. I also recognize how it is empowering for those first generation American children to see women rocking their native clothing. These positive images of females will inspire young girls to believe they can and be confident in their abilities.

The lead characters deal with grief

T'Challa and Kilmonger both experience heart breaking losses and the way they cope with the loss is displayed in a realistic way. Without giving too much of the story away, both men's lives are significantly effected by loss and both feel the power of carrying on the legacy of their late loved one. As I watched the film, I could see the hurt in both characters. One used his hurt to fuel his desire for revenge and the other used hurt to show mercy to others. The movie goes over the stages of grief through flashbacks: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Despite much progression, mental health in the Black community is still considered taboo. Families often do not seek help or will go to a church leader before seeing a therapist. While Black Panther does not show any characters in therapy (I don't think it would have worked for the story line), they do display how people of color can be vulnerable without being labeled as weak. The characters display a resiliency by use of introspection and being transparent with others. There's a line in the film stated by Kilmonger, "Bury me with my ancestors that jumped from ships into the ocean. For they knew death was better than bondage." Although slavery was centuries ago, Black people continue to live in a society which seeks to oppress them, only it is not so blatant. Black folks carry these generational traumas (whether conscious or not) which effect how we perceive ourselves, how we cope, and our ability to embrace being emotional. I believe this film will normalize some of the issues people of color face and I hope gives courage by reminding us that tough times may come but we will make it through to the other side. 

Despite different viewpoints, unity helps us to progress

The film highlights four tribes in the nation of Wakanda. Three have resided together and one broke away and lives in the mountains after a conflict centuries ago. The tribes are brought together to protect the nation when it becomes apparent outsiders want to do harm. I enjoyed this part of the film because it reminds me of a family. We may not always get along, but when needed, we can put our differences aside and come together. Much like how the Black community united to protest Jim Crow, police brutality, and advocate for better funding in their communities. This film shows we are stronger together than we are apart.

We all can be a superhero

Little black children around the world now have an image of a hero that looks like them. We needed this film. Why? Because oftentimes, children of color are told what they cannot be and the images they are shown defining success and affluence are typically not with people who look like them. Much in the way President Barack Obama's years in the oval office, Black Panther will announce to the world that we can be anything we want to be.  Our skin color is Warrior, King, Father, survivor, superhero. "All children deserve to believe they can save the world, go on exciting adventures or accomplish the impossible,"

Here's a video of a group of kids who found out they would be going to see Black Panther with the rest of the classroom. Enjoy.

If you've seen the movie, comment and let me know what you enjoyed most about it.

"Black Panther" is in theaters now! Be sure to check it out.

Three Reasons To Celebrate Valentine's Day If You're Single

Every year it always seems as if no sooner than Christmas Day ends, the stores start stocking up on all things pink, red, and white. Yup, it’s time for Valentine’s Day. The holiday that was created to showcase all things love. The problem with this holiday is that it caters to only those who are in a relationship, glamorizes love, and creates an unhealthy image of what actually looks like. Not to mention, Valentine’s is not a “real” holiday (if I don’t get a day off for it, then it ain’t real, lol). I just don’t believe a holiday should have the power to dictate how a person feels about themselves depending on if they have a Valentine and if they get a gift.  I must admit, there used to be a time when I would get down and depressed on February 14th if I was single. I had internalized the messages and decided there was something wrong with me because I was not in a relationship.

photo courtesy of tatiana-nino 

So I’m here to tell you, if you are single, you can partake in Valentine’s Day, too! Though many people may feel bound to Here are three reasons why you can celebrate Valentine’s Day as a single.

The greatest love is the love you have for yourself.

1. Despite what we have been told in childhood, a woman or man’s worth is not defined by how well you are able to attract a mate. YOU define your worth. The best time to work on who you want to be when in a relationship is to begin by having a healthy relationship with yourself. This Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to celebrate yourself! Take yourself out to dinner, pamper yourself, write affirmations and love notes, send yourself flowers. Whatever you decide to do, show yourself some love today and every day.

Enjoy the day with your friends.

2. Bustle  shares how to throw a singles dinner party for Valentine’s Day. Friends are a huge support system and if they’re single, then they can empathize with the emotions that may occur on this holiday.  Plan to spend some time and share some gratitude with your friends. You can show your friends the value of their friendship by celebrating them on love day. Invite friends of both genders, you never know who may connect.

Rewrite the rules.  

3. Yes, Valentine’s Day was started as a way to monetize and glorify being in a relationship. However, the images we see and how we define what a successful relationship involves may be in contrast to societal standards. Be honest with yourself on this day. If you feel a twinge of disappointment or hopelessness, share it with someone. Let others know you may need extra support on this day. Change the significance of the day and write down all the ways you have received love in your life. You get to create the life you want and celebrate how you want. Decide what you place value on and honor that. As Forrest Gump said, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.”

I hope I inspired you to share the love on Valentine’s Day whether you are single, have a new relationship, or have been committed for years. February 14th is another day on the books. It’s a great day to celebrate you!

10 Lessons From The My Taught You Retreat

This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending the My Taught You Retreat in Cancun, Mexico. The retreat is the first of it's kind from Myleik Teele (creator of curlBox) in which she curated a four day event filled with master classes and hosted at a beautiful resort. I applied for the retreat in July 2017 and awaited to hear if I would be one of the attendees. A few days later, I learned I was accepted! (More about how I almost let self-doubt and fear stop me from applying for the retreat here). I spent several months wondering why they had chosen me to attend and then I finally decided I would fully accept the invite and enjoy the retreat. Before my flight, I told myself I would do three things: be open, listen often, and enjoy the moments. 

After a beautiful opening dinner and after party, the rest of the mornings started with master classes. Karleen Roy, Kahlana Barfield, Zim Ugochukwu shared their their journeys and offered some gems about the process of conquering the limits in their lives. Myleik shared why she chose #limitlessliving as her mantra for the year. Luvvie told us about the moment she finally accepted she is a writer, how writing down her vision for her life vs. using vision boards manifested, and gave us the behind the scenes deets on her Ted Talk. The weekend ended with a fireside chat with Myleik and Necole Kane. What stood out to me is the vulnerability and genuineness each speaker showed by sharing their journeys. They were transparent about the importance of therapy, self-reflection, and having supports in their lives. Needless to say, the experience was nothing short of amazing and I almost thought I couldn't put the magnitude of what I felt into words. So I am enlisting the help of the speakers.

Today, I am sharing ten lessons I learned from the retreat as told through quotes from the speakers. 

1. "What would happened if we lived without limits?" -Myleik

So often in our lives we placed limits/boundaries on ourselves. These limits are a result of our perceptions and beliefs. The perceived benefits of limits is as a means of protection but in the long wrong, these limits keep us from living to our greatest potential and truly embracing the journey. Myleik encouraged us to be our own best friend, to evaluate these limiting beliefs, confront and conquer them. It starts by monitoring your thoughts: what are you telling yourself? What's your self-talk? Write down these limiting beliefs and consider what steps you will take to remove them.

2. Iron sharpens iron. Don't be afraid to reach out. Your village is here! -Karleen

As humans we thrive on forming connections. Karleen encouraged us to find our tribe and allow them to support us. 

3. "You have to be intentional with maintaining the relationships most important to you through nurturing." Zim

Simply put, we have to be intentional with our relationships. Forming bonds and maintaining them require us to put in some work. So in the moments when our professional lives take up so much space, remember to make time to nurture and be available to those who are important to you.

4. "When you do the things that scare you, it levels you up." - Luvvie

"Feel the fear and do it anyway. The destination AND the journey have importance." - Zim

Fear can bind us, it stops us from moving forward, fear limits us. The foundation of fear is to protect us from danger (real and perceived). To conquer fear, we have to begin by acknowledging it's presence, managing stressful thoughts related to fear, and having some courage to go forth.

5. "There's beauty in transition." - Necole Kane

Necole has a beautiful story. She shared how she took a leap and ended her gossip website (which she had known for years she no longer wanted to be involved with) and the depression and judgment that followed with this transition. One thing was for sure, she survived. She took time to pour into herself by moving away from the city to Arizona. Necole shared how this time was integral in her ability to see the beauty in change. Caterpillar to butterfly.

6. "You have to make time for yourself. Know when to get off the burn out train and make time for you." -Kahlana

Self-care is intentional. Kahlana shared a time when she was overworked and neglecting herself and her family. She made a decision to limit her working hours and to make space in her schedule for self-care. No one else is responsible for our well-being but us. 

7. "Bloom where you are planted." 

Reflect on what areas in your life which offer opportunity. This is a lesson in being grateful about our current circumstances. There is a purpose for every situation. 

8. "In order to get to the life you want to have or that God has for you, you have to let some things go." -Zim

You can't take every one and every thing with you. I am a firm believer there is a season for everything and it helps when we honor that season. Letting go is not easy, but oftentimes, it is necessary.

9. "What you do, be the best at it." -Karleen

We are responsible for mastering our craft. In a world of copy cats and competition, Karleen encouraged us to take notice of what inspires us and collaborate with others. There is enough room for all of us to shine.

10. "Promote yourself."- Luvvie

If you don't believe in you then no one else will! Have confidence in yourself and what you bring to the table. Luvvie told us not to be afraid to share our talents with others and get paid for what we have to offer. We have to be our own biggest fan! Let people know you are a badass!

This retreat helped me to embrace the limits I had been placing on myself. I was encouraged by the words my peers shared with me and inspired to no longer downplay my strengths.  A sisterhood was formed with these ladies and I am forever grateful. The #mtyretreat was an experience I will never forget. I hope you received as much joy from reading this recap as I had in writing it. I encourage you to invest in yourself by attending a retreat such as this one or a local event. 

If you want information on the 2019 retreat, visit www.mtyretreat.com. Find the Limitless Living journal here.

photo courtesy of Antonio Diaz

Eight Essential Books If You're On A Healing Journey

It seems like just yesterday that I was graduating high school and getting ready to head to college. I have known my college friends almost half of my life. Recently I had a conversation with one of my good friends from college and we reminisced on how we thought we knew so much during those years. Life has definitely changed. We have experienced some great wins and some devastating losses. What I have learned and what I share with my clients is that all of these experiences serve a purpose. The joys and the pains are here to teach us something and we make it through these events with support and a dose of resiliency. 

Last year, I shared the list of books I read in 2016 that helped me on my journey towards healing and intentional self-work. You can find that blog post here. I believe reading can be therapeutic and hearing someone else's story can be encouraging. Whether you like non-fiction or autobiographies, books have the power to affirm and transform your life. Here I'll share eight books which I believe are essential for the healing journey. 

1. The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo

The story of a young shepherd boy named Santiago who travels in search of hidden treasure and encounters life lessons along the way. This book has changed my view on life. My favorite quote: “And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” 

2. Peace From Broken Pieces by Iyanla Vanzant

Known for her appearances on Oprah and the OWN network, master life coach Iyanla Vanzant shares her life and spiritual lessons from a decade of her life. She recounts the loss of her marriage, daughter, and difficult finances. This is a beautiful lesson in healing and resiliency.

3. I Thought It Was Just Me by Brene Brown

Brene Brown explores the effects of shame and offers strategies to transform the way we view ourselves in relation to others. 

Quote: “Nothing silences us more effectively than shame.” 

4. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

Don Miguel Ruiz shines a light on the self-limiting beliefs that steal our joy. In this book, he explores the Four agreements: Be impeccable with your word. Don't take anything personally. Don't make assumptions. Always do your best.

5. Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

This is the devotionals of devotionals. It takes you through 40 days of self-exploration and learning about the intent God has for your life. We all have a purpose, this book explores how to tap into it. 

Quote:“Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you. Don’t waste your pain; use it to help others.” 

6. Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud

This book is so good I had to read it twice! It's focus is on helping us to realize the limitations we place on ourselves and others. Through case examples, this book is an easy read and will have you reflecting on how healthy your boundaries are.

Quote: “We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.” 

7. Own Your Glow by Latham Thomas

Mama Glow Latham Thomas is such a light. I had the joy of meeting her in person and experiencing the radiance of her spirit. This is a guide for examining your life, embracing who you are, and empowering you to live in your light. Be sure to have a notebook handy for all the gems she's dropping.

Quote: “Own Your Glow and it will light your path along the way...you alone have the power to transform your future.” 

8. The Untethered Soul by Mark Singer

Michael Singer uses mindfulness and meditation and spiritual practices to explore the limitations we have placed on ourselves. 

Quote: “Eventually you will see that the real cause of problem is not life itself. It's the commotion the mind makes about life that really causes the problems.” 

Don't forget to subscribe to the blog for monthly updates and see me over on Instagram where I spend most of my time. lol. 

*this post contains affiliate links. If you click on the link and purchase, I get a small percentage of your purchase order.

Mental Health Care Is Self-Care

I don’t know if it’s just me but there seems to be much  more interest in mental health than in recent years. People are focusing on self-care and mindfulness which are helpful tools but these tools do not give the whole story. There are people out here experiencing a mental illness or mental health distress and you might never know.

NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) shares some statistics about mental illness from 2015, “Approximately 1 in 5 adults in the U.S.—43.8 million, or 18.5%—experiences mental illness in a given year. Approximately 1 in 25 adults in the U.S.—9.8 million, or 4.0%—experiences a serious mental illness in a given year that substantially interferes with or limits one or more major life activities.”

This means that there are more people within our inner circle (and maybe it’s us) that have experienced a mental health issue such as depression or anxiety. Let’s face it, life can throw us some curveballs and I am glad there is an emphasis on better self-care practices and having support in 2018. Everyone can benefit from better awareness regarding their emotional health. What’s going on in our mind (the way we think, our self-talk, how we perceive the world, our values/morals, etc.) impacts what we believe and how we interact and act each day. We have the luxury of being our closest confidant because we go to sleep and wake up in this same body and we have a choice. We can choose how we navigate along this journey. So when I say mental health care is self-care, I mean, it’s self-love. Caring for your emotional health is taking time each day to get to know yourself, love up on yourself, put some energy and value into yourself. My hope is with an emphasis on self-love and self-care to promote emotional wellness, the stigma and labels of mental health as a negative thing (I mean what does it really mean or look like to be crazy?) will dissipate.

I am thankful for the bloggers, influencers, writers, celebrities, and advocates who share their story on the daily. To have some transparency about their everyday difficulties and how they worked to overcome normalizes the process of emotional healing and wellness. Having optimal mental health does not mean you will never have problems, it means you’ll be more aware of situations that negatively impact you and you’ll have ways of coping when difficulties occur.

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To start taking better care of your emotional health:

Begin a self-care practice (My worksheet is a great start)

Utilize your support system by letting them know when you need their support

Seek a therapist

Meditate and increase your mindfulness throughout the day

Take some time to be quiet

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There’s many more I can add to the list but this is just a start. Comment and let me know your thoughts and what your current self-care practice includes.

Don’t forget to follow me on social media:

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W.E.L.L. Summit 2017!

W.E.L.L.Summit 2017

I attended the 2017 Well Summit this past November and though this post is a little late, I wanted to kick off the year by sharing my first experience as a blogger at a wellness event. I had seen the conference advertised previously but didn’t really look into it. It wasn’t until my friend, Koya Webb, told me she would be speaking at the event, that I checked it out. I found it was right in line with what this blog is about and my current life state.

W.E.L.L. stands for Wellness. Empowerment. Learning. Luxury. The organization’s tag line for the event is “a curated conference promoting a 360 view of wellness”.

The website states, “We conduct events for self-improvement.   We’ve created a life-changing experience for those seeking self-improvement and welcome all who are as passionate as we are about living well. From beauty bloggers and wellness professionals to those looking to learn more about the ever-expanding realms of inner beauty/peace of mind, clean eating, of-the-moment fitness trends, making informed consumer decisions and exploring the now covetable field of green beauty, this is the place of inspiration.”

Pretty dope vibe, right? So I bought a one-day ticket for the Friday session and made my way to NYC. I went with a couple of my home-girls I met in Bali (see that post here). So let’s get into it.

The venue:

First of all, the space was lovely. I enjoyed that it was open and exuded a warm energy. There were three sections of 12 rows and we had a good view of the stage. There was also areas with natural light, perfect for snapping photos.

The vendors:

Can I tell you, I enjoyed every single one of those vendors who had the snacks. There was no formal meal at the summit and I neglected to eat prior to the event so I partook in all of the snacks. I was also thankful for the hefty amount of samples and full-size products that were given away.

The vibe:

I met some of the most beautiful women at this conference. Every one was so open to talking and sharing information. I exchanged social media contact with several ladies who I hope to see again in the future. There definitely was a spirit of unity, openness, and empowerment.

The speakers:

While I was partial to Koya and “Mama Glow” Latham Thomas, I was also interested to see what the other speakers had to share. I took so many notes on my iPhone. Many many gems were given. What I enjoyed most about the speakers was their transparency and engagement with the attendees. They shared their personal journeys to self and wellness without hesitation and for that I am thankful. Here are a few of the quotes from each of the speakers.

Chair yoga and meditation to start off the day!

Latham Thomas opened the day with a meditation

“What do you want to nourish? What do you want to grow? Plant the seed. This moment is a divine and holy experience.”

Sara Divello

“Live each day fully with big audacious dreams. To honor the gift we have been given of another day.”

Kathryn Budig and Kate Fagan

“We think success creates happiness and this is one of the reasons we become addicted to success and give up a core value. The quest for success ebbs and flows. Be open.”

Live W.E.L.L. Panel with Koya Webb, Latham Thomas, Josh Rosebrook

“Wellness is finding out what works well for you at this moment in your life. Are you living from a place that is well for you?”

“Awareness is being mindful of how we are talking to ourselves. That is how we begin to transform and raise our frequency.”

“To be well: cultivate, nourish, nurture, forgive, embrace yourself”

Agape Stassinopoulos

“When we partner with the divine within us, we are able to connect with our souls and the spirits of others. Don’t always want to get more. Become more. Who you are is extraordinary.”

“Be here for you. Show up for you. Don’t wait for anyone to give you permission.”

The Live W.E.L.L Party:

The party was included in the ticket but was also available for others who could not attend the full event. There more vendors, music, book signings, and plenty of spaces for awesome pictures. I had my fill of Kombrewcha, packed my own trail mix provided by Navitas, got a manicure by tenoverten, had some more snacks and food samples (shout out to Cava for their hummus and pita bread!!), and mingled with other wellness enthusiasts and journeyers.

Overall, W.E.L.L. Summit provided me with encouragement, empowerment, and reminded me to be intentional about taking care of myself. Not to mention this dope swag bag (seen below) filled with goodies. I’m looking forward to other W.E.L.L. Summit events in 2018. 

What conferences or wellness events have you gone to? Leave a comment below and follow me on Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest.

A New Year Is Here!

Hey y'all. Happy New Year! We are now officially in 2018 and this is my first post of the new year! I ended 2017 very low-key because I have a feeling 2018 is going to take me for an exciting ride. I am looking forward to the year to come and I hope you stick with me as I grow and provide content for this blog and beyond. 

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I wanted to share a few of my favorite blogs to kick off the new year. These are some dope women and I hope you enjoy their content as much as I do. Please comment and share your favorite wellness bloggers (or any blog) you've discovered and what you like about the blog.

Here's my list: 

Gray Matthews Project - 2018 Goals

Ricki Loves- Be Better!

Brntoconquer- Steps towards Self-Care

Coore Lifestyle- Loving Who You Are: My Journey to Self-Love

Sylvia Marcia- I Wonder How People See Me When They Find Out I Have Anxiety & Depression

Nearly Hair- 10 Habits to Create A Simple Life for 2018

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One more thing, I created a printable! This printable is an easy to use worksheet that's focused on being intentional about self-care. Click here and subscribe by entering your email to receive the Self-Care Daily Inventory. The worksheet has space for quote of the day, your favorite motivational song, and identifying who can support you. Become intentional about caring for yourself mind, body, and spirit with this worksheet. 

Thank you for rocking with me! 

Find me on social media: Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest

What I'm Leaving Behind in 2017

The year is almost to a close and I can't help but have a spirit of reflection. 2017 has definitely been an interesting year. I accomplished so much. I went on my first solo international trip to Bali. I started this blog! I made new blogger friends. I read some good books. I explored well-known U.S. cities. I worked on being intentional about my self-care. I started therapy. The list goes on and on. You can review all of these things from posts on the blog or on Instagram. 

Yes, I made some head way in 2017 and I feel like I know myself better. However, there are several things I would like to leave behind to clear some space for the journey of the upcoming year. 

1. I am leaving behind the feeling of having to take care of everyone. I have a bad habit of believing others need me to be involved in every aspect of their lives. If there's a party, I will take over hosting. I will change my schedule to make sure I am available to family or friends (even when I know I need to rest). To this, I am saying, no more. It is time I allowed people to live as they need to, not as I would like them to. 

2. I will begin to enjoy the beauty of the simple moments. Sometimes I can be so consumed with making sure everything is going right or that an experience lives up to the picture I have in my head that I end up frustrated and disappointed. In 2018, I will work on enjoying the moments and truly being present. I will play with my nephew (if even for 10 minutes) when he asks. I will bask in the sun as I move throughout the day. I will actually taste my food and enjoy making it. I will be present.

3. I will work on giving myself some grace when I mess up. Any one else feel like dooms day is lurking whenever you make a mistake? *raises hand* The reality is, a mistake is just a decision that didn't work out well. Although I wish I was little Miss Perfect, I am not. So I am going to work on being kinder to myself in the moments when I am not at my best. I can be my biggest cheerleader or my greatest enemy and I am choosing to love up on myself. 

So there you go. 2017, we lived, loved, laughed and had one heck of a time. Are you reflecting on the year and getting prepared for the one to come? If so, what are you leaving behind in 2017? Comment below and let's chat. 

Also, I made a super cute printable Self-Care Daily Inventory sheet just for you! Subscribe below to receive it in your inbox. Print it out, share with your friends, add it to your notebook, and feel free to use it daily. 

Don't forget to follow me on social media at:

Instagram: simplybeingkryssie

Facebook: simplybeingkryssie

Let's Talk 2018 Goals!

Looking at the calendar and I wonder where the heck did this year go? I wonder was I too busy having fun to notice the time go by? Alas, here I am in the first week of December and reflecting on all the things I accomplished this year. 

I started this blog, traveled to Bali for a group trip focused on self-care, made some new friends, attended several conferences, slashed some debt, and made a commitment to taking better care of my body. As I reflected on this, I remembered that all of these things started with a goal and my vision board. I don't do New Year's Resolutions. Why? Because studies show most people give up on those resolutions within the first month! Instead, I like to plan my goals by using a method called goal setting.

Goal Setting

Goal setting involves writing down the goal, understanding the reason why you want to reach this goal, and detailing the steps you'll need to take to attain the goal. This method incorporates reflection, intention, commitment, and manifestation to help you be successful. I noticed a difference when I changed my intention regarding reaching my goals. There was a shift in my thinking and no goal became too big, though I remained realistic about my efforts. I believe by making small, attainable shifts in your thinking and behavior, you can reach any goal. So if you want to lose 20 pounds then your goal setting plan should go something like this.

Goal: Lose 20 pounds

Reason: I want to have more energy and fit my favorite pair of jeans again.

Plan: Three 30 min workouts per week, eat vegetables with every meal, remove sugar from my morning coffee. Hold yourself accountable. Tell others about the goal for support.

See how this is different than just listing a bunch of goals? By having a plan, you are more likely to follow through. 

Reminder: "A goal without a plan is just a dream"

Planners/Journals

I also like to use my planner for setting daily, weekly, and monthly goals. I realized I can't keep as much information in my head and expect to remember it without writing it down anymore. I have a planner and use the notes app on my iPhone to keep me on track with events, appointments, and my work schedule. One of my goals for 2018 is to have better time management which means I need to set aside time just for blog work instead of working on content sporadically during the week. A planner-whether virtually or hand held (my preference) -will come in handy. I picked up my planner from TJ Maxx and I was gifted a few from recent events I attended. You can find one in store or online like the Get Loved Up planner, Limitless Living Journal, or the Full Focus Planner

Vision Boards

Another way to plan goals is to use a vision board. This has become all the rave in recent years. Essentially, you place words and pictures on a board (or a wall or area of your house that you'll see every day). These words and pictures represent areas of your life you are working on and goals you want to attain. I have heard some powerful stories from people who have created a vision board and seen the board manifest into reality over time. You can go to the craft store for materials or attend a vision board party (or hold one of your own). I remember hearing an episode of the podcast, Support is Sexy, in which Lucinda Cross spoke about her Activate Your Vision Board Kit. This kit is filled with everything you need to complete a vision board and includes other items such as a gratitude jar, journal, and affirmation cards. You can find it on Amazon for $49.99. (this is not an ad, I was thinking of ordering and wanted to share. This does include an affiliate link so if you order from my link, know that I get a percentage of what you purchase. Thanks!)

However your choose to set your goals for the upcoming year, just set some. And give yourself some grace because there is no failure, only learning experiences. I'm here to let 2018 know I'm coming for it!

Comment and let me know if you've started to plan your goals for 2018. What methods do you use? 

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Hi! I'm Krystal!  Welcome to my blog! I am a lifestyle mental wellness blogger and Licensed Professional Counselor in CT.

Read more about me here and follow me on social media (Instagram , Pinterest and Facebook)

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Thank you!

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Five Tips For Handling the Winter Blues

New England has officially started to turn cold y’all. And it happened pretty much overnight. So your girl had to take out her gloves, hat, heavier coat, and scarf. The days have also gotten shorter and I am officially ready to hibernate. The change in weather reminded me how much we are affected by seasonal changes.

The winter blues or as clinically stated, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a form of depression due to seasonal changes. About 3 million people in the US are diagnosed with this each year. Read more about SAD here.

The symptoms typically start during the Autumn months and continue into the Spring. Moodiness and less energy are typical signs you may be impacted by the season change. Other signs may be increased irritability, weight gain, overeating, depressed mood. The belief is that our bodies are thrown off due to less sunlight and a change in mood regulating neurotransmitters in the brain. You don’t have to be diagnosed with SAD to experience this. Most people will tell you they have an inclination to hibernate and feel less energetic in the cooler months.

So what can you do?

1. Set a daily routine. Your body has an internal clock and is used to a certain schedule. Try to wake up and go to bed at the same time each day. Resist the urge to sleep in or take long naps. This helps to put your body on a schedule and regulates melatonin which helps you to sleep. Get outside and soak up as much sun as you can!!

2. Get active. Engaging in some physical activity during the day improves energy levels and increases dopamine to help with a better mood.

3. Get social. Spend some time with friends and family. It’s nice to have others validate your feelings, give hugs, and comfort you. Maybe even plan a mini vacation to warmer temperatures.

4. Add more plants and fruits to your diet. Cooler months are all about the comfort foods. So instead of sugary treats and high calorie meals, make some casseroles, soups, and stews. Take it from me, when I eat crap, I feel like crap. But when I eat plant-based and less processed foods, I feel lighter and fulfilled. Be mindful of what you are putting into your body and how it affects your mood.

5. Speak with a therapist if you feel you are experiencing more than winter blues. Most people diagnosed with SAD have experienced a Major Depression episode. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if your symptoms become too overwhelming. Check out the Resources tab to find a therapist.

No matter the season, this is a reminder to take care of yourself. Your mind and body will tell you what it needs.

Have you experienced winter blues? Do you have any self-care practices to support your mental wellness during the winter months? I would be so happy if you would share in the comments below.

You can also find me on Instagram and now Facebook! Be sure to follow and engage with me. I'd love to hear your self-care journey. If you haven't already, go to the About page and subscribe to my newsletter, I'm gearing up to start sending those out very soon! 

5 Ways to Stay Cheerful During the Holiday Season

The most wonderful time of year is upon us. It’s a time for laughter, great food, and social gatherings. You can also be easily overwhelmed and stressed due to holiday obligations. Friends and family, office parties, and gift exchanges can result in feeling drained and emotionally overextended. However, the few weeks between Thanksgiving and the New Year don’t have to be cumbersome. There are several ways to gain and maintain a cheerful mood during the holiday season.

It’s okay to Say No

It’s easy to get caught up in attending one event to the next. The schedule can fill up quickly during this time and you may find yourself having little down time in between work and your other obligations. It’s important to set boundaries and let others know your expectations for the holiday season. If you don’t want to go to that family member’s house, then don’t or limit the amount of time you will be there. Let people know if you can or cannot be involved in a holiday event (including Secret Santa, cookie exchanges, parties etc) and relieve some of the pressure to be involved in everything. Picking one or several events you will partake in allows you to have some control and also let’s other people know what to expect from you. You ultimately control your decisions, don’t let the holiday season rid you of that power.

Engage in gratitude

With all of the marketing during this season, one would think it is strictly about getting gifts. And while getting and giving gifts can be happiness inducing, the result is short term. One helpful way to remember the reason for the season is to create a space of gratitude. This can involve taking five minutes to bring awareness to your environment with mindful breathing or meditation. You can also designate a physical space in the home where you feel peaceful such as a sitting room where you can add aromas from essential oils and candles. Creating a list of things you are grateful for and reviewing the list daily will surely assist in increasing feelings of gratitude. The list could include items as simple as, being grateful a good night's rest, or being grateful for having time to read a good book. Often times we become stuck in routines that disengages us from really feeling present. Having time to really engage in gratitude resurfaces our awareness and brings attention to our  many blessings.

Be mindful with your time

There are only 24 hours in a day, you cannot be everywhere for everybody. The holidays hustle and bustle can cause us to neglect ourselves. It is important to maintain a self-care routine. This involves taking an inventory of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions each day in the form of a check-in, just as you would with your best friend or spouse. Being mindful of what you are doing with your time helps improve productivity. Be sure to schedule time to rest and recharge. You aren’t useful to anyone or yourself if you are depleted. Challenge yourself to take at least 10 minutes daily to engage in positive self-care.

Check in with others

We’ve all been there. Mom wants dinner at her house, your cousin wants to bring his new girlfriend, you have several dinner invitations on the same day. Ugh. It can seem as if everyone has their own idea of what they want to do during the holidays. One way to help ease tension is to communicate your vision for the holiday season.  Coordinate with others to have a collaborative vision of how the holidays should go. If you are on a budget, then set a budget limit for gift exchanges. If you enjoy hosting, volunteer to have dinner at your home or bring supplies to the designated dinner place. It is important to feel empowered to share in the holiday as you wish without all the pressure. Let others know your vision and check in with them to create a sense of togetherness.

‘Tis the season to give

It is typically around this time of year, where most major corporations push for donations to those in need. There are over thousands of children and families who don’t have a warm dining room to stuff their face with turkey in. Nor a tree to share gifts under. As we are preparing for the holidays, let’s try to remember those who less fortunate. Giving back to those in need instills a sense of altruism within us. This doesn't mean that you have to always donate physical items to charities, you could in fact help those in need by volunteering at a local food pantry, or cooking a hot meal for a family that you know is struggling. Remember that your presence holds value, and just showing up to help is worth millions. Put a smile on someone else’s face this season, and I guarantee you will smile back in return.

I hope you found these five ways helpful and give yourself some grace during the holiday season. What other ways have you tried to keep a positive mindset during the holidays?  

This post was a collaboration with myself and Cia from Nearly Hair . We are full-time therapists who enjoy blogging and sharing wellness/lifestyle information. Stop by her website. 

Thirty-Three Lessons for 33 Years.

Thirty-Three Lessons for 33 Years.

Hey y’all. As you know from last week’s post, I turned 33 this month. Yay! I feel so blessed to have another year of life. So many women do not want to share their age but I am happy to share because I am grateful for the years I have had and the many years to come. Each decade has offered me many lessons and has helped to shape and guide me through the different eras of my life. Every moment, every day, every year, it’s all me. I may not look or feel the same but I will forever be Kryssie.

In honor of year 33, I bring to you 33 lessons for 33 years.

1. Accept yourself as you are today, at this moment.

2. What others think of me is none of my business.

3. When I hurt, others hurt with me.

4. Words have power. They can uplift or cut like a knife.

5. Life can throw lemons. Good thing I like lemons and they give you glowing skin.

6. It’s okay to allow and/or ask others to be there for you.

7. You don’t need anyone to validate who you are.

8. You are worth the risk!

9. Be open to the process. It takes pressure to make a diamond.

10. Progress over perfection. You got this!

11. Your heart may break and feel broken but it can be repaired. You can choose who to share your love with.

12. Manifestation requires you to relinquish control, create the vision, and do the work. The payoff will be great.

13. Friends will come and friends will go. Every relationship is here to teach you something. When you understand this, you’ll find peace.

14. If I think it, I can achieve it.

15. One thing I will not do is waste my own time.

16. What God planted in your spirit is up to you to water.

17. You cannot live your life according to anyone else’s plans. You have a right to live purposefully.

18. We all have areas of our life that need to mature. The important part is that we have experiences which challenge us to grow.

19. Unlearning the lies we told ourselves can be one of the hardest things we have to do.

20. I choose the thoughts I give power to. Choose wisely.

21. Stop chasing the perfect body. A healthy body is life!

22. You define your relationship with God. Make sure to speak with Him daily.

23. The spirit will guide you. Lessen the distractions and get quiet so you can hear.

24. You. Do. Not. Need. To. Fix. Anyone. Including yourself.

25. It’s up to me to not carry on generational hurts.

26. Accepting criticism and compliments are necessary.

27. You do not have to internalize other people’s idea of you.

28. Happiness is a daily choice.

29. You don’t have to live with debt. It is your duty to be intentional with your money.

30. Everything that happens to you is to grow you in personal evolution. Every experience is an opportunity to grow.

31. You don’t need all these things.

32. Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.

33. Never let anyone dim your smile.

Share some of the lessons you have learned in the comments. We can learn from each other.

This is 33!

This month I celebrate my 33rd birthday. Yes, your girl has been on this Earth for thirty-three years and I am excited! I feel like I am coming into my own in my thirties and have learned some valuable lessons while getting to know myself a little better. There seems to be this idea that a birthday is “just another day” and I beg to differ. Your born day is the day in which God breathed life into your lungs and your spirit took human form. This is a miraculous day and every anniversary thereafter should honor that miracle of life. I don’t just celebrate on one day, I typically celebrate my birthday all month which means my friends and family are obligated to spend this time with me. :) I also share this birthday month with my little brother who’s turning 30 this year! Turn up bro! Welcome to the club.

When I was a kid, I used to think 30’s and 40’s meant you were old. However, now that I am in my 30’s, I feel as young as ever. I feel like this is the time when folks have what I like to call a “young life crisis”. When I turned 30 I was met with some health issues and loss of relationships. Overall, I was not happy with life and was having an existential crisis and wondering who the heck I was. As I reflect back on that time, I realize it was necessary for me to experience that low moment because it propelled me into this journey of self-love and self-acceptance. And while I don’t have all the answers, I finally feel like I am coming into my own.

I figured my Birthday month would be a great time to celebrate myself in mind, body, and spirit. I am also meditating on some revelations I’ve had this year and the motivation they’ve given me to live boldly.

Celebrating my mind by:

Weekly (or more often) journaling 

Taking a few days off work to relax

Reminding myself that the narrative I create in my mind is usually not reality. Reality check!

Celebrating my body:

I have booked a massage and facial! I never pay full price by using Groupons and a discount at my local spa.

Make home cooked meals and schedule daily rest times

Celebrating my spirit:

Daily prayer and meditation

Showing gratitude for this life through statements of affirmations and thanking my loved ones for loving me

I want 33 to be different. Instead of looking at what I am lacking, I will identify all of the ways my life is full. I commit to:

Being kind to myself

Showing myself some grace

Allowing myself to be vulnerable and being mindful of who I allow to see that vulnerability

Reminding myself that goals are nothing without a commitment to a plan

Visualizing and working towards my professional goals despite the doubts and fears that creep up

Not wasting my own time which means clarifying my expectations, asserting my desires, and removing myself from toxic situations (no more drama!)

Exercising my right to say NO!

Here’s to a fabulous and bold 33rd year!

If you haven’t already, follow me on Instagram where I’m sure to post more of my birthday highlights and insights.

Happy Birthday to me! 

Autumn Faves and Apple Picking!

Why I Love Autumn and You Should, Too!

The time of year is upon us when the temps cool a bit, the sun sets a little earlier, and all things basic comes out. It’s freaking Autumn!!! This season can be a period of reflection and preparation for the new year so it's important to make time for fun. If you've been keeping up with me then you know I'm for low-cost activities (you can read about my summer activities here). As a CT resident, I love this time of year for more reasons than one. I’m so glad to share with you why I love it so much. Leggo!!

1. I may have been born in the South but I was raised in New England. The part of the US where it can be any of the four seasons on any given day, lol. The changing weather does not stop us from turnin’ up and continuing to enjoy the outside activities. One of my favorite things to do is go to a local fair. There are so so so many doggone fairs and festivals, you will spend all your money trying to keep up with nostalgia. In CT, there are more than a dozen towns who have fairs in September alone.

Favorite event: The Eastern States Exposition in Agawam, MA

2017 Butter sculpt at the Big E (Eastern States Exposition)

2. Nothing beats the beautiful foliage. Everywhere you turn there are so many warm colors and all you have to do is look up. I drive about 40 minutes to work and am blessed to have the beautiful foliage to accompany me. The changing leaves are great because you can make artwork with the kids, take a host of photos, or sit quietly and meditate.

Favorite event: take a drive through CT, MA, or VT and enjoy nature. 2017 foliage map

My six-year-old nephew trying to find the perfect pumpkin to pick.

3. Apple Picking! Going to pick apples (and now pumpkins thanks to my six-year-old nephew) is an annual tradition. This can be a low-cost activity that will provide you with healthy eats and beautiful photos. For the past two years, we have gone apple picking at Lyman Orchards. They have 1100 acres of farmland and have been in business for 275 years! They are set in the heart of CT and host several pick-your-own periods throughout the year. What I love about them is the staff is always so friendly and they have several events that are great for families and couples alike for free or very cheap. While the apple picking season is coming to an end (it ends in October), they have a store, the Apple Barrel, where you can get eco-certified fruits and local vegetables year round. And if that's not enough, Lyman's has the best apple cider and apple cider donuts. We never leave the farm without the donuts! 

4. The major reason I love Autumn is because of my Birthday! Team Scorpio baby! This time of year is always a season of contemplation and reflection. As I gear up to turn a year older, I am reflecting on the things I’ve learned this year, what I’ll keep, and what I can move on from. Stay tuned for my reflections on the last year and my goals for the year to come.

Fall fave: spend the month of November celebrating another year of blessed life

I hope you all are enjoying the fall season. Comment and share with me your autumn faves.