“You need one of your own to chase around,” they said, to which I immediately rolled my eyes. Why can’t folks just leave my uterus alone? I mean, it is mine afterall. When I am ready to procreate then I will! I don’t know if it’s because I’m over 30 or what but I wish people would stop commenting on when I should have a child. I will have one when I’m good and doggone ready! The older I get, the more incessant these unwanted opinions about when I should embark into motherhood. And it really bothers me. I’ll tell you why…
It’s freaking 2017!! Women no longer have to be confined to the standards men place on them. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for becoming a Mom, but I can choose to accomplish other things before that happens. Not to mention, there’s this little thing called birth control or (abstinence) that stops that egg from being fertilized, lol. I mean, really. Just let me do my thing.
Research has shown women with a higher education are more likely to have children and settle down later in life. I’m one of three girls, the youngest, and the last one of my four siblings to have a child. I did everything my Mother wanted me to do. I graduated with my Masters in Education in Mental Health Counseling several years ago. I’ve been working as a clinical therapist for the last 9 years. I have my own money and I take care of my own affairs. She always told me to live life how I wanted to live it. And that I could do anything my heart desired if I put the work into doing it. So this is what I am doing. I have been working on my career and becoming a well-rounded person. I want to learn and do as much as I can before I birth a child.
Which gets to my next point, raising kids is f*cking hard! I still have no clue how my Mom raised four kids while working two jobs, getting a Master’s degree, and donating her time to a nonprofit agency. That lady is MVP of the century, in my opinion! And she is strong as an ox. The word Resilient is invisibly tattooed on her forehead. I’m in awe of her. I watched everything she did which came off effortlessly and I think she did a pretty good job seeing as how I turned out. When I ask her how’d she do it, she simply states, “I just did. I figured it out.” So let me break it down for you, there were a lot of things she did not get to do because she sacrificed for us. There were many hours she worked and missed out on some of the milestones of my life but I don’t remember her ever not being there. She was everywhere all at once. And I get tired after a weekend with my nephew(s), most of whom are over 16 at this point. I know I’m up for the task but just not sure I’m fully ready to not be able to give the child back at the end of the day.
I have places to go and people to see and Mom guilt is all the way real. I want to get my travels and risks out of my system. Many of my friends tell me how they feel badly just for going to the store or a show without their kids. They feel pulled in many directions and often have some guilt if they take some time for themselves. I know this is inevitable and comes with the territory but I can wait a little while longer to experience that. I already have a bit of it when I’m unable to spend time with my nephew, J (that’s my baby right now!).
Just look around, many women are having kids later in life. Janet Jackson at 50, Kerry Washington in her late 30’s, Celine Dion at 42, must I go on? Statistics show in countries where choosing between motherhood and a career are not easily melded together, women are choosing to begin their career before motherhood. The average age a women has their first child was reported as 26 by CDC in 2015. Also, older women typically have a higher income. Yes, the chances of fertility is effected the older a women gets but with IVF and depending on your genetics, this is not a hard and fast reason to have kids early anymore. (We’ll get into my reproductive issues in another post.) So not only will I be wiser, educated, but also considerably financially stable when I decided to bring a child into the world. Sounds good to me.
The fact of the matter is I am pushing through baby fever right now. *Gasp* I could have a kid if I had a partner to raise one with. I see how many people go through strife due to choosing to procreate with a terrible partner or one they no longer have love for anymore. I just want to get married, have 2.5 kids and that white picket fence. I know if won’t be perfect but I can dream, right?
The point is, I’ll go through the miracle of pregnancy and birth when God sees fit and when I am ready, not when the world tells me to. That’s my right. So until then, I’ll audition several hilarious ways of responding to the statements and entertaining myself in return.
As always, honor yourself and simply be.